Wednesday, May 20, 2026

Conversation Does Not Equal Complicity – DTH Episode 316 with Michael Lee

Send Wilk a text with your feedback! (incoming msgs only - I can't reply) (https://www.buzzsprout.com/969574/fan_mail/new) Michael Lee is a professor of communication and the director of the Civility Initiative at the College of Charleston. He came to civility work through competitive debate—and found that debate, at its best, is deeply connective and dialogic. In this conversation, Michael and Wilk explore what’s really going on when people avoid disagreement, and why that silence is often more damaging than conflict.  They dig into the nervous system roots of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how those responses show up in everyday conversations, especially online. Michael makes a sharp distinction between healthy stress and distress, arguing that real growth requires exposure to discomfort, not protection from it.  One of the episode’s most powerful ideas: people confuse conversation with complicity. Michael unpacks why that conflation is so common and what tools—perspective-taking, norm-setting, reciprocity—can help us move past it. And he reminds us that the stranger you’re afraid to talk to is more likely to become a friend than an adversary.  If you’ve ever felt like civility is code for “stay quiet,” this conversation is for you. Learn more about and connect with Michael Lee by getting the full show notes for this episode at www.DerateTheHate.com.  The world is a better place if we are better people. That begins with each of us as individuals. Be kind to one another. Be grateful for all you’ve got. Make every day the day that you want it to be! Please follow The Derate The Hate podcast on: Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/DerateTheHate) , Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/derate_the_hate/) , Twitter(X) (https://twitter.com/deratethehate) ,  YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@DerateTheHate)   Subscribe to us wherever you enjoy your audio or from our site. Please leave us a rating and feedback on Apple podcasts or other platforms. You can share your thoughts or request Wilk for a speaking engagement on our contact page: DerateTheHate.com/Contact (https://deratethehate.com/contact) The Derate The Hate podcast is proudly produced in collaboration with Braver Angels — America’s largest grassroots, cross-partisan organization working toward civic renewal and bridging partisan divides. Learn more: BraverAngels.org (https://braverangels.org) Welcome to the Derate The Hate Podcast! *The views expressed by Wilk, his guest hosts &/or guests on the Derate The Hate podcast are their own and should not be attributed to any organization they may otherwise be affiliated with.