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Julia Minson has spent 25 years studying disagreement—not how to win arguments, but how people actually engage with views that conflict with their own. She’s a Harvard professor, a behavioral scientist, and the author of How to Disagree Better. This conversation gets into the heart of her research.
One of the most useful ideas in the episode: being receptive in your own head doesn’t count. Your counterpart can’t read your mind. If you want them to feel heard, you have to signal it out loud—with specific language, in real time. Julia’s HEAR framework (Hedging, Emphasizing agreement, Acknowledging, Reframing) gives you an actual tool to do that.
We also get into why asking “why do you believe that” changes a conversation more than almost anything else—and why so much of the enmity in our society isn’t really about what people believe, but about what we assume their beliefs say about them.
If you’ve ever walked away from a hard conversation feeling like the other person wasn’t really listening—or wondering if you were—this episode is worth your time. Julia’s book is How to Disagree Better, and you can find her at disagreeingbetter.com.
Learn more about and connect with Julia Minson in the full show notes for this episode at www.DeratetheHate.com.
The world is a better place if we are better people. Be grateful for all you’ve got. Make every day the day that you want it to be!
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