Wednesday, October 7, 2026

Crossing the Bridge: Courageous Communication and the Stories We Tell Ourselves – DTH Episode 336...

Send Wilk a text with your feedback! (incoming msgs only - I can't reply) (https://www.buzzsprout.com/969574/fan_mail/new) Trime Persinger’s homework assignment was simple: take ten “you” statements and turn them into “I” statements. She couldn’t do the first one. “You make me angry” was the language she grew up with, and she didn’t have another way to say it. Her instructor stayed after class and wrote all ten for her. That moment set Trime on the path that became courageous communication and her new book, Crossing the Bridge: Heal Your Relationships with Courageous Communication. In this conversation, she and Wilk walk through her four-step model—event, story, feeling, response—and why the story we tell ourselves about what happened usually shapes our reaction more than the event itself. That holds at a card table in a prison day room, and it holds in how we see people on the other side of our politics. Trime also shares what happened when she brought these skills inside Oregon’s largest prison as a chaplain. The first response was “that won’t work here.” Then the men tried it—with each other, with staff, and with their families—and came back with a different report. Wilk and Trime first met at the Braver Angels National Convention in Philadelphia, and the conversation connects her work to the courageous citizenship focus at Braver Angels, where Wilk serves on staff. Key Themes •        The story sits between the event and the feeling. Trime’s model starts with something that happens, then the story we tell ourselves about it, then the feeling that story produces, and finally a response. Her example: someone at the table accuses you of cheating. If you believe he’s out to get you, you react one way. If he’s your best friend and just got bad news from home, everything changes. Wilk connects this to Stephen Covey’s well-known story of the father on the train whose kids were running wild—because their mother had just died. •        Your feelings are valid, and they’re nobody’s fault. For Trime, who learned early that her own anger wasn’t acceptable, owning a feeling without blaming anyone for it was a turning point. Wilk shares his own principle—never allow your emotions to dictate your actions—and the two land in the same place from different directions: the feeling is yours, and so is the response. •        Repeating back is the harder kindness. Drawing on her work with Braver Angels, Trime notes that people are comfortable acknowledging where they agree. Acknowledging what someone said that you disagree with is much harder—and that’s where the real kindness is. Listening doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re willing to cross the bridge into someone else’s world for a minute. •        It only takes one person to change. Trime’s students in prison didn’t wait for anyone else to go first. They tried the skills on their own, and the relationships they were most grateful for were with their families, especially their kids. Her view: we’re wired for connection, and the distance we feel right now isn’t our natural state. •        Behavior almost always makes sense. One of the central ideas in Trime’s work is that people’s behavior is almost never malicious. Our stories about the other side—amplified by social media—tend to assume the worst, and they assume the same about us. Takeaways •        Before you react, name the story you’re telling yourself. Then ask what else could be true. •        Try “I feel angry” instead of “You make me angry.” It will feel clumsy at first. That’s normal. •        Repeat back what you heard—especially the part you disagree with—before offering your own view. •        In a conflict with someone you care about, try Trime’s statement of intention: “I want to sort this out in a way that works for both of us.” It leaves the other person’s assumptions about your motives with nowhere to land. •        You don’t need the other person to change first. One person showing up differently can shift the whole conversation. About Trime Persinger Trime Persinger is a relationship coach and the author of Crossing the Bridge: Heal Your Relationships with Courageous Communication. Through her practice, Ennea Deep LLC, she helps people build better relationships and find their own voice, drawing on the Enneagram and years of teaching interpersonal communication. Her background includes conflict resolution, mediation, victim-offender dialogue, and prison chaplaincy. As a chaplain, she developed “The Art of Communication,” a communication-skills program for adults in custody, which earned her an Outstanding Service Award from the Oregon Department of Corrections. Learn more about and connect with Trime Persinger: Website: http://www.trimepersinger.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61553061496772 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/trime-persinger-465b3b30/ AllSides Student Journalism Award application process is open now! AllSides...