Wednesday, August 5, 2026

Why Avoiding Conflict Doesn't Mean You're Keeping the Peace – DTH Episode 327 with Kelsey Blahnik

Send Wilk a text with your feedback! (incoming msgs only - I can't reply) (https://www.buzzsprout.com/969574/fan_mail/new) Kelsey Blahnik has spent her career as a social worker sitting across from people who don't see eye to eye—politically, personally, every which way—and she's found that peace was never about avoiding the hard conversation. It's about learning how to have it. In this episode, Kelsey and Wilk dig into her book, The And Way: Assertive Peacemaking in a Divided World, and the real difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Kelsey uses an Instant Pot analogy that sticks: if you never let the steam out, you're eventually going to explode. Her work is about finding a better way to vent. They also get into what Kelsey calls competing impulses—the idea that you're not just "a people pleaser" or "the difficult one," you're a whole human being capable of both, depending on the moment. That shift in self-perception, she says, is what makes it possible to extend the same grace to people you disagree with. If you've ever avoided a conversation because you weren't sure how to have it without it blowing up, this one's for you. Learn more about and connect with Kelsey Blahnik in the full show notes for this episode at www.DerateTheHate.com.  We've forgotten what it feels like to have a real conversation. The week of August 10th, join AllSides for a live conversation about the American Dream — how we’re thinking about it and navigating the challenges. Your insights will be anonymized and included in a report to help leaders better understand how people see this issue. Sign up today at allsides.com/derate-hate  (http://allsides.com/derate-hate) The world is a better place if we are better people. Be grateful for all you’ve got. Make every day the day that you want it to be! Please follow the DTH podcast on: Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/DerateTheHate) , Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/derate_the_hate/) , Twitter(X) (https://twitter.com/deratethehate) ,  YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@DerateTheHate) ,  Substack  (https://wilkwilkinson.substack.com/) Subscribe to us wherever you enjoy your audio or from our site. Please leave us a rating and feedback on Apple podcasts or other platforms. You can share your thoughts or request Wilk for a speaking engagement on our contact page: DerateTheHate.com/Contact (https://deratethehate.com/contact) The Derate The Hate podcast is proudly produced in collaboration with Braver Angels — America’s largest grassroots, cross-partisan organization working toward civic renewal and bridging partisan divides. Learn more: BraverAngels.org (https://braverangels.org) Welcome to the Derate The Hate Podcast! *The views expressed by Wilk, his guest hosts &/or guests on the Derate The Hate podcast are their own and should not be attributed to any organization they may otherwise be affiliated with.