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William F. Buckley Jr. had strong opinions and never apologized for them. He also spent forty years as close friends with liberal economist John Kenneth Galbraith, and decades more as a friend of Ira Glasser, longtime head of the ACLU. When a fellow conservative publicly complained that Buckley had too many liberal friends, Buckley’s reply was that he didn’t spend his time with them discussing politics.
Josh Cohen’s book, William F. Buckley Jr.’s Guide to Friendship in a Polarized Era, walks through those friendships one at a time and draws a lesson from each that still holds up. Wilk and Josh—introduced by their mutual friend Jeff Schoep—talk about what Buckley understood that so many of us have lost: a person is more than their politics, acknowledgment isn’t agreement, and there’s a real line between holding a conviction and becoming a fanatic.
Wilk shares how he went much of his early adult life without knowing or caring who was a Republican and who was a Democrat—and how little it mattered to the friendships he built. Josh offers a simple picture of fanaticism, borrowed by Buckley from Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes: it’s reasonable to say you own the space above your roof. It’s something else to claim the whole column of sky above it, so that no plane and no child’s kite can pass through without your permission.
Key Themes
• Keep the personal personal. Buckley had Firing Line, National Review, his books, and his speeches. That’s where his opinions went. With friends, he didn’t press his politics or his Catholic faith unless the conversation turned there on its own.
• A person is not their politics. Ira Glasser said he’d known plenty of people who said all the right things about justice and were terrible people in private—and that Buckley was the opposite. Wilk and Josh talk about how quickly we now reduce someone to a caricature built from a single view.
• Conviction vs. fanaticism. Through Buckley’s friendship with Galbraith, Josh explores what separates someone with strong beliefs from someone who can’t let any conversation pass without a fight.
• Understanding vs. misunderstanding. In any discussion, Josh argues, you’re either working to understand the other person or working to misunderstand them. The straw man is the giveaway—and people can usually tell which one you’re doing.
• Acknowledgment isn’t agreement. Wilk pushes back on the outrage entrepreneurs and grievance grifters who’ve convinced people that hearing someone out means giving up your principles.
Takeaways
• You can hold strong convictions and still keep close friends who don’t share them. Buckley did it for decades.
• Not every conversation has to become a political one. Save the debate for the places it belongs.
• Listening to understand someone is not the same as conceding the point. Even when you fall short of understanding, the effort shows.
• When you catch yourself reducing someone to one belief, remember what else you know about them. You might disagree on the death penalty—and he might still be the terrible golfer you love taking money from.
• Josh’s book is available from Fidelis Publishing, which is offering a discount through its online store, and wherever books are sold. You can also hear his conversations with people who witnessed history on the Eyewitness History podcast.
About Josh Cohen
Josh Cohen is a conservative writer based in Minnesota whose work has appeared in Townhall, Right Side Broadcasting Network, and other outlets. He hosts the Eyewitness History podcast, where he has interviewed World War II veterans, Holocaust survivors, a co-founder of Apple, and former Columbine High School principal Frank DeAngelis. His book is William F. Buckley Jr.’s Guide to Friendship in a Polarized Era: Lessons in Civility from a Catholic Conservative Icon (Fidelis Publishing).
Learn more about and connect with Josh Cohen:
Book: https://www.amazon.com/William-Buckley-Guide-Friendship-Polarized/dp/1956454926
Publisher: https://www.fidelispublishing.com
Podcast: https://www.lifeaudio.com/eyewitness-history
X: https://x.com/JoshCohenWriter
Email: joshwaltercohen@gmail.com
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