Send Wilk a text with your feedback!
In this powerful episode of Derate The Hate, I sit down with Kim Bach, cofounder of Dailyhuman Inc., a mindset coach, curriculum designer, and leadership development expert who helps individuals and organizations close the gap between what they know and who they’re becoming.
Kim calls it a “humaning crisis” — a phenomenon where people are increasingly stuck in cycles of negative thinking, poor communication, and eroded trust. In our conversation, Kim explains how 80% of our 80,000 daily thoughts are negative, and how that mental default can affect everything from our relationships to our ability to grow and connect.
✅ Why trust is at an all-time low in our culture
✅ How understanding your own default thought patterns can reduce polarization
✅ The power of storytelling and reflection in personal development
✅ Why soft skills aren’t “nice to have” — they’re essential
✅ How asking better questions leads to better connections
✅ Why winning starts in the mind, and how to practice who you want to become
Kim brings a rare blend of heartfelt insight and practical tools — offering hope, direction, and a clear path toward becoming the best version of ourselves through daily, intentional practice.
After 18 years in one company, Kim left in 2022 to launch a more human-centered mission. Through Dailyhuman Inc., she helps athletes, teams, and organizations build confidence, resilience, and self-awareness one reflection at a time. Her work empowers people not just to learn who they could be, but to practice that version of themselves every day.
👉 Connect with Kim Bach and Dailyhuman at:
🌐 Website: dailyhuman.com
🔗 LinkedIn: Kim Bach on LinkedIn
📸 Instagram: @dailyhumanco
📺 YouTube: Watch Kim on YouTube
🎧 Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review if this conversation resonated with you!
#HumaningCrisis, #MindsetCoach, #SoftSkills, #EmotionalIntelligence, #PersonalDevelopment, #GrowthMindset, #TrustBuilding, #Mindfulness, #CommunicationSkills, #SelfAwareness, #LeadershipDevelopment, #DailyHuman, #KimBach, #DerateTheHate, #WilkWilkinson, #PodcastInterview, #RewireNegativity, #StorytellingForGrowth, #MentalWellness, #OvercomingNegativity
What have you done today to make your life a better life? What have you done today to make the world a better place? The world is a better place if we are better people. That begins with each of us as individuals. Be kind to one another. Be grateful for everything you’ve got. Make each and every day the day that you want it to be!
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I look forward to hearing from you!
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:43:15
Wilk
Welcome back, my friends, to the Derate the Hate podcast. I am your host, Wilk Wilkinson, your blue collar sage, calming outrage and helping to navigate a world divided by fog. And those who would spread that fear, outrage and grievance. Each week I'm sharing stories from my path and using the power of conversation and collaboration with my many great guests.
00:00:43:17 - 00:01:07:23
Wilk
Together, we chart a course toward understanding, bridging divides and fostering a community where wisdom prevails over discord. Friends, it really is about bettering the world. One attitude at a time. We did not create the hate, but together we can Derate the hate. The only good thing about a bad attitude is we have the ability as individuals to change it.
00:01:08:01 - 00:01:31:03
Wilk
For me, it starts with gratitude and personal accountability. I am so incredibly grateful that you have taken the time to join me for another powerful episode. Please remember to subscribe and share the podcast with your network of friends. If you would like to support the show, check out the Support Us page on the Direct the Hate website. With that, my friends, let's get to it.
00:01:31:03 - 00:01:54:03
Wilk
Friends, this week I am thrilled to introduce someone who is tackling what she calls a humaning crisis. And let me tell you, it's a conversation that we all need to be having. Kim Bach is the chief people officer with an organization called Daily Human, where she's doing incredible work helping people reconnect with their best selves and with each other.
00:01:54:05 - 00:02:13:12
Wilk
After nearly two decades with one company. Kim stepped away in 2022 to pursue something bigger, something more human. She started by writing personal notes to those she cared about, building a community around the simple but powerful idea of being in someone's corner.
00:02:13:12 - 00:02:17:23
Wilk
Kim's work dives deep into the struggle that so many of us face.
00:02:18:01 - 00:02:36:00
Wilk
Negative thoughts, broken communication, a lack of trust in our relationships, and the growing polarization we see every day. She reminds us that we have about 80,000 thoughts every day, and 80% of them are negative. Think about that.
00:02:36:00 - 00:02:44:14
Wilk
If we don't get intentional with our thinking, we can get stuck in patterns that isolate us rather than connect us.
00:02:44:16 - 00:03:08:17
Wilk
Today's conversation with Kim is all about flipping that script, building trust, practicing reflection, developing soft skills, and telling a better story about who we are and who we can become. It's about recognizing that we're all human. We're all struggling sometimes, and with a little mindfulness and a growth mindset, we can
00:03:08:17 - 00:03:12:05
Wilk
make the world a better, more connected place.
00:03:12:07 - 00:03:12:16
Wilk
Friends,
00:03:12:16 - 00:03:17:09
Wilk
I am excited for you to meet my new friend Kim Bach, Here we go!
00:03:17:09 - 00:03:24:12
Wilk
Kim Bach, thank you for joining me on the Derate The Hate podcast. So grateful to see you today.
00:03:24:14 - 00:03:27:19
Kim Bach
So happy to be here. Thanks, Wilk.
00:03:27:21 - 00:03:32:14
Wilk
Thank you Kim. So when I started looking into,
00:03:32:14 - 00:03:36:04
Wilk
the work that you've done over the years. Kim, I saw
00:03:36:04 - 00:03:40:07
Wilk
you were in the human resources space for several years, and
00:03:40:19 - 00:03:43:22
Wilk
then I saw that that you were talking about,
00:03:43:22 - 00:03:55:05
Wilk
I think it was something I read that that you've done talking about a humaning crisis and how people often lack this soft skills for communication.
00:03:55:05 - 00:04:07:00
Wilk
And then I saw that you talk about trust and and interpersonal communication and how that leads to polarization and depolarization. So I got very excited.
00:04:07:00 - 00:04:07:20
Wilk
I'm not going to lie.
00:04:07:20 - 00:04:21:13
Wilk
That's that's right in my wheelhouse. That's the stuff I talk about. So let's start our conversation, Kim, by you telling me a little bit about this human in crisis that you were talking about.
00:04:21:15 - 00:04:31:06
Kim Bach
I would love to. I'm excited. We're having this conversation, and I think we're all having this conversation, like, a little bit of a different way. So this is our way.
00:04:31:06 - 00:04:35:17
Kim Bach
The reality is we have 80,000 thoughts. Let's just put a round number to it.
00:04:35:17 - 00:04:52:05
Kim Bach
On the daily 80,000 thoughts you have about proximately 80% of them are negative and 90% of them are just on repeat in a loop, with no conscious thought process going on at all.
00:04:52:07 - 00:05:16:05
Kim Bach
That's the crisis, right? The crisis is we don't have a tool that's accessible to everybody. We haven't learned how to upgrade a single thought, and a single thought can keep you from the outcomes that you want in life, that can keep you from the relationship that you deserve and want to have in your life. A single thought can keep you from walking out the door with the right attitude.
00:05:16:07 - 00:05:19:21
Kim Bach
And so when actually we have a human in crisis,
00:05:19:21 - 00:05:34:00
Kim Bach
a lot of our systems where we learn these intangible skills, how do we learn heart? Where do we find courage? Well, a lot of those systems are gone, and our tools haven't caught up yet to what we need to learn to be really full human beings.
00:05:34:00 - 00:05:37:13
Kim Bach
And that's part of the mission of daily human.
00:05:37:15 - 00:05:39:02
Wilk
That's a beautiful thing.
00:05:39:02 - 00:05:40:09
Wilk
Kim, because,
00:05:40:09 - 00:06:09:16
Wilk
when I think and one of the things that I think about, one of my 80,000 thoughts on, on, on any given time, is, is how painful it is to see other people making the choice and sometimes it's just an unconscious choice, but they find themselves stuck in this doom loop of of just negativity, and and they, they react totally wrong to so many things that are outside of their control.
00:06:09:17 - 00:06:34:23
Wilk
Because like you said, they just for whatever reason, don't have the tools to react in the right way to these things, these things that I mean, there's so many things in this world, Kim, that are completely out of our control, and yet we allow them to overcome our thought process and we get stuck in that loop like you were talking about.
00:06:35:01 - 00:06:43:21
Wilk
So let's talk a little bit about those tools then, because this is this is a this is a human in crisis. This is,
00:06:43:21 - 00:07:01:08
Wilk
one of the, one of the biggest issues of our time. There's so many of these things. How what are the tools or what's. I mean, obviously, we can't get into all of the tools today, but we're going to get into some of them because I think this is incredibly important and it's very, very important for all of those people that get stuck in that doom level.
00:07:01:08 - 00:07:03:01
Wilk
So let's talk about.
00:07:03:03 - 00:07:26:16
Kim Bach
It is important. And listen, there's no worse feeling than being stuck. And for me, I've never gotten unstuck. Just in my head, I like you. A tool is needed to pull you out of that quicksand. You know that feeling where you're like, the more you think, the more you just grind yourself into the original. That thought that had you feeling bad in the first place.
00:07:26:16 - 00:07:36:09
Kim Bach
And so, yep, there are many tools and some of them are really getting their time right now because of the mental health crisis and polarization right now.
00:07:36:09 - 00:07:46:20
Kim Bach
In our country, especially. So the good news is, like, I think we realized we need to reach for more than the gym. We have to do more than just hydrate like there's upgraded systems.
00:07:46:20 - 00:07:56:02
Kim Bach
We need to kind of stay in control of our thoughts and feelings. And so there's mindfulness and meditation and there's visualization and,
00:07:56:02 - 00:08:14:00
Kim Bach
ideally human. What we believe is one of the best tools we're not using is reflection. So reflection is how we create meaning out of our experiences. So how you tell yourself the story of your day back to you at the end is actually helping to dictate what the story will be tomorrow.
00:08:14:02 - 00:08:21:02
Kim Bach
And so using reflection to reframe or upgrade the stories we're telling ourselves is really what it's all about.
00:08:21:02 - 00:08:38:12
Kim Bach
Reflection is journaling, right? It's when when you come home from work and your spouse says, how was your day? They're asking you to reflect what happened to you. How do you feel about it? How did it change you? What did you learn?
00:08:38:14 - 00:08:51:10
Kim Bach
What did you think about it? And so when we reflect, we create meaning. And if we could do that more purposefully and more consistently, we'd find that the thoughts that we think would reflect those patterns.
00:08:51:12 - 00:08:52:07
Wilk
Absolutely.
00:08:52:14 - 00:08:55:20
Kim Bach
That's the simple explanation for it.
00:08:55:22 - 00:09:13:14
Wilk
Well, it's it's an important explanation. Obviously this so so this this reminds me, you know, one of the things that I, I tell people quite often, Kim, is every mistake is an opportunity for learning. But it doesn't have to be an actual physical mistake that we did, you know, but but we I take
00:09:13:14 - 00:09:23:18
Wilk
what you're saying, and I take what I've said quite often, and I think about all of those things that that, that we get stuck in our head during that reflection process.
00:09:23:18 - 00:09:32:03
Wilk
At the end of the day, why would we want to continue on? Or why do we as humans, often, often dwell upon,
00:09:32:03 - 00:09:49:13
Wilk
the negative or the things that we did wrong during the day instead of actually learning from them, which is almost what I'm. Yeah, almost. That's what I'm catching from what you're saying, instead of reflecting back and saying, you know, what is it that happened today?
00:09:49:18 - 00:09:53:07
Wilk
And how could I have done this better? Or how could I have done that better?
00:09:53:07 - 00:10:12:18
Wilk
A lot of times people will just dwell on on what happened, the negative that happened and beat themselves up instead of learning from what what could be perceived as a mistake, they'll beat themselves up over the mistake instead of using it as an opportunity for learning to better tomorrow.
00:10:12:20 - 00:10:16:15
Wilk
They'll let what happened today ruin tomorrow.
00:10:16:17 - 00:10:36:00
Kim Bach
Absolutely. And we all we do this all the time. I mean, mindset expert. And I do this all day, every day. So why why do we think the thoughts. That kind of makes me feel bad. I think it's part of the question. And really at the simplest level, it's understanding that our brain's
00:10:36:00 - 00:10:39:17
Kim Bach
the default setting is how it comes out of the factory,
00:10:39:17 - 00:10:41:08
Kim Bach
default settings.
00:10:41:10 - 00:10:46:15
Kim Bach
Our brain is not designed to make us happy, to help us grow, to,
00:10:46:15 - 00:11:07:23
Kim Bach
help us see things differently, to even live a full and exciting, fulfilling life. Our brain is designed to keep us safe, and safety for our brain includes thinking that we're right. Thinking that we we are. We know we are correct. Everyone else is wrong.
00:11:07:23 - 00:11:31:13
Kim Bach
This is how our brain keeps us feeling, you know, worthy. It's like this game of cards that we play with ourselves. As soon as someone thinks something different than us, or pokes at us and criticizes us, that I think you can feel that house of cards come down. You know, you have to double down on what you think, or suddenly your whole belief system starts feeling a little shaky.
00:11:31:15 - 00:11:50:03
Kim Bach
And I think that's the second reason why we go to the negative, is we don't realize that we're actually in control of the operating system. I'm at fault. It's going to protect us, which usually doesn't include accepting new information as true or seeing where we were wrong. And then, you know, after that it's really about,
00:11:50:03 - 00:11:54:02
Kim Bach
understanding. But that default setting can be changed.
00:11:54:04 - 00:11:59:13
Wilk
Oh, yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. The default setting can be changed. And this is one of the things,
00:11:59:13 - 00:12:13:07
Wilk
that, that, that I think is so important. And because this leads to one of the biggest things that I talk about is, is polarization and how confirmation bias bias
00:12:13:07 - 00:12:18:21
Wilk
leads to polarization. We as human beings, we do not like to be wrong, just like you said.
00:12:18:23 - 00:12:20:06
Wilk
So we will,
00:12:20:06 - 00:12:41:09
Wilk
we will fight tooth and nail against those things that we think are going to prove us wrong. And we will look and seek out things that will prove that we are right. Whether we're right or not is irrelevant. We are going to seek those things out that that make us right or make us feel right.
00:12:41:09 - 00:13:10:14
Wilk
And then and then that's where we fall into these us versus them things. And we're, we're, we're fighting our own intuition to, to, to or not fighting our own intuition necessarily. But we're fighting the, the, the process of being able to think again, being able to course correct, being able to to learn from what we've what we've done.
00:13:10:14 - 00:13:38:22
Wilk
One of the books that the that I just finished not too long ago that talks about our inability as human beings to think again. It's Think Again by Adam Grant. It's it's an incredible book. But but so many people end up in this internal battle, this internal struggle of, well, I don't want to do this, because if I do this, then it's going to prove me wrong, and then I'm going to feel bad about myself.
00:13:39:00 - 00:13:51:19
Wilk
So I just and that's my words, not his. Yeah, but but I see this constantly in these us versus them battles in this polarization, in this toxic polarization that we have,
00:13:51:19 - 00:14:04:10
Wilk
that's so prevalent in society today. Kim, is yeah. People have this. They have no desire to step outside of their comfort zone. They have no desire to admit maybe I was wrong.
00:14:04:10 - 00:14:09:17
Wilk
Maybe I need to come at this from a different angle. Maybe I need to think through things a little bit differently.
00:14:09:19 - 00:14:15:15
Kim Bach
Yeah, I, you know, beautiful thing happens when it from my perspective,
00:14:15:15 - 00:14:33:12
Kim Bach
you know, when someone you really care about thinks differently than you, it creates that cognitive dissonance in your brain. You're like, I know this person's smart. I know this person's kind. You know, this person cares about me. I don't understand how they can think that. And so we end up just getting these bottles of opinion.
00:14:33:12 - 00:14:53:12
Kim Bach
Frankly, there are very few black and white, you know, facts here. So we're all arguing theories and opinions as if they are sort of life and death to us. And they're really not. They're just life and death of our belief system. And that is the part that's scary is, listen, we're choosing our beliefs, not necessarily on objective black or white.
00:14:53:12 - 00:15:00:00
Kim Bach
Are they wrong? Are they good or are they correct? But we're choosing the ones that we feel most comfortable with.
00:15:00:00 - 00:15:17:15
Kim Bach
And so really what we're trying to do is help people develop a growth mindset. Listen, there's a everyone gets to choose their individual beliefs that guide their life. But there are some things that just could help everybody in a growth mindset really starts with the beliefs that are malleable.
00:15:17:17 - 00:15:42:20
Kim Bach
I can change, I can improve, and I can learn that. I can go out on skills ski slope the very first time, as I did, and I can end up in the parking lot hitting a truck, which I did. It's the first one. It's the only way I can stop, Wilk, what could I do right? First time my default setting was, oh my God, just focus on the horizon and go.
00:15:42:20 - 00:16:02:17
Kim Bach
And I ended up hitting a truck. Right. And so that's the default setting. But we can grow and we can learn. It's not the last time I got on a slope. It's time for the lesson. You know, we we have the ability to grow and adapt. And the earlier we can really accept that we are designed to grow and change.
00:16:02:21 - 00:16:05:04
Kim Bach
I'm hoping that the left will find it.
00:16:06:04 - 00:16:14:10
Wilk
Yeah, well, one thing I will say is I'm grateful you turned out okay. It's much better to hit a truck than be hit by a truck. Attest to that.
00:16:14:10 - 00:16:26:13
Wilk
And but but going back to what you said, we are all malleable. We are. We're fallible and malleable. Yes. And I think those two go hand-in-hand. Right. If we are incapable of,
00:16:26:13 - 00:16:30:17
Wilk
of of being able to look at ourselves and say, I might be wrong,
00:16:30:17 - 00:16:32:04
Wilk
we don't learn.
00:16:32:06 - 00:16:52:10
Wilk
We don't learn from those mistakes, right? We we we just keep on falling into the same traps over and over and over again. And the and the ability to understand that we are malleable and we can shape our beliefs. We can shape where we are. I think a lot of that can comes from stepping outside of our comfort zone.
00:16:52:12 - 00:16:57:12
Wilk
People are more comfortable where they believe they are. Right. And,
00:16:57:12 - 00:17:10:11
Wilk
unfortunately, there's a lot of forces out there that that, that continue to push, that push us into that, you know, what, where we're comfortable, rather than saying, let's, let's think about this,
00:17:10:11 - 00:17:20:09
Wilk
from from different angles. Let's, let's, you know, there are there is a lot of, of value in that concept of malleability.
00:17:20:11 - 00:17:25:13
Wilk
It's that, that is, that is is something that,
00:17:25:13 - 00:17:54:14
Wilk
again, you know, we talk here about, you know, comfort zones and silos and siloing and us versus them. And a lot of that is because people don't. People can't fully embrace the idea of change. Change is uncomfortable for human beings. Yeah. You know, I mean, once you get used to a certain thing, it is hard to say,
00:17:54:14 - 00:17:55:17
Wilk
maybe we need to.
00:17:55:19 - 00:18:05:04
Wilk
Maybe we need to to adjust course or course. Correct. One of the biggest things another thing that you,
00:18:05:04 - 00:18:18:19
Wilk
talk about, Kim, that that really stood out to me is, is the idea of trust. One of the big things that I've done as a part of the the Derate the Hate podcast and a part of,
00:18:18:19 - 00:18:24:17
Wilk
Braver Angels, which is an organization I do a lot of work with, is the Truth and Trust Project.
00:18:24:19 - 00:18:27:22
Wilk
Truth and Trust Project is something I engaged in with,
00:18:27:22 - 00:18:29:22
Wilk
Doctor Francis Collins, former,
00:18:29:22 - 00:18:54:11
Wilk
head of the NIH, and I, I shouldn't say engaged in because it's still an active process. It's something that I'm still doing and and continue to do every day. It's my one of my life's missions to help, to rebuild trust in our public health system that I think was damaged greatly during the the pandemic and the pandemic response course correction is a big part of that.
00:18:54:13 - 00:18:56:11
Wilk
I think a lot of people,
00:18:56:11 - 00:19:12:11
Wilk
you know, so this, this, this may be a 90 degree turn, but it is it's very much along the same path of what we're talking about malleability, course correction, being able to look at what we are thinking and say, I might be wrong. I need to think about this,
00:19:12:11 - 00:19:18:05
Wilk
from from not only a different angle, but from a lot of different angles, which I don't think was done properly.
00:19:18:10 - 00:19:46:12
Wilk
But, Kim, take our conversation into the the into the realm of trust because trust is easily lost. But it's very, very hard to rebuild. It's very hard to gain. So let's talk a little bit about trust and how. Not only in just individual relationships but but systemically. How do we rebuild systemic trust?
00:19:46:14 - 00:20:03:09
Kim Bach
Well, first, you're right. I think we're all feeling it. Trust is at an all time low in almost every category of relationship, from trust in government. And and this is globally trust in governments, trust in organizations,
00:20:03:09 - 00:20:04:15
Kim Bach
trust in CEO,
00:20:04:15 - 00:20:06:11
Kim Bach
trust in academia,
00:20:06:11 - 00:20:07:20
Kim Bach
and trust in our neighbors.
00:20:07:20 - 00:20:14:02
Kim Bach
The Edelman Trust report shows all of those are exactly where you feel they are.
00:20:14:02 - 00:20:16:14
Kim Bach
And so I like to think about trust,
00:20:16:14 - 00:20:38:16
Kim Bach
as an outcome, actually. And so a daily human, we believe that measurement is motivation. And one of the things that we're really focused on is measuring the intangibles. If I if you can't tell me how much resilience I'm showing up with, I don't know if I'm being resilient. Right. This is a it's a hard mirror to hold up, which is do I trust you?
00:20:38:16 - 00:21:06:10
Kim Bach
Well how how do I know that's an outcome. And so I think for me, understanding it's an outcome reinforces the fact that it's something that we can go build. Right. So it's an outcome. So there are building blocks to it. And at the simplest level, which is really why we started Daily human is it's understanding that now every thought that you think is 100% true, just start there.
00:21:06:12 - 00:21:47:13
Kim Bach
Even with a foundational relational concept like trust, it starts with the self-awareness I I'm not always right. Everything I think is not always the truth. And until we can do that, of course trust is slow because you have to think exactly the way I think for me to trust you. And we know that that's impossible. The other thing about trust is I always think about trust as for me, what it means is I'm going to take this really precious, important thing to me and I'm going to put it in your hands that that's what trust is.
00:21:47:15 - 00:22:18:19
Kim Bach
So we work with a lot of young people, a lot of young athletes. And some of the lesson is you shouldn't trust everybody. There is a process to establishing a relationship so that trust can be built. And it's very simple. No. Like trust. Do I know you? Do I like what I see as presented to me? And do I trust that something I care about is going to be safe with you and let's just start with the no.
00:22:18:21 - 00:22:44:14
Kim Bach
I really want to make it easy on myself. Everybody else like, really, we don't have to think positive thoughts all the time. You don't have to trust everybody. Can we just go for some movement? So what would be a more trusting thought? What would be a more bold movement in the direction of trusting this person? Then I might normally do, the fault and the question.
00:22:44:14 - 00:23:10:05
Kim Bach
It might be, I'm going to make eye contact with this person in the elevator and a morning. That's an act of trust today. So I think when we talk about trust, it's important to realize one. It starts with your own belief about yourself, what's true and what's not true. And two, I think maybe we can disagree to start slow and just start with, do we know each other?
00:23:10:07 - 00:23:20:02
Kim Bach
Can we be a little more curious about the stranger, about the father, about the roommate or the colleague?
00:23:20:02 - 00:23:26:18
Kim Bach
Who may not be exactly like us? Can we get to know them? I'd like to start there.
00:23:26:20 - 00:23:30:00
Wilk
Oh, I think that's. I think that's wonderful because,
00:23:30:00 - 00:23:48:09
Wilk
a well, a lot of what we see today is, you don't see it nearly as often anymore. Kim. Where for? You're walking down the street and people say hello to each other. You're, you know, at work, I mean, I, I try in my everyday life, Kim, to to greet as many people as I possibly can.
00:23:48:11 - 00:24:13:06
Wilk
If I know their name, I use their name. I try to make eye contact. For one thing, I and all of these things are so vitally important into trust in each other. Trust in ourselves. One of the things that you said there, that I, that I want to step back to because I think it is, is is one of the most important parts of this certainty.
00:24:13:07 - 00:24:36:15
Wilk
You know, certainty, being certain that you are right, stands in the way of so much learning, stands in the way of trust. Because as soon as I am absolutely certain that I am right on something, anybody that says anything in contrast to that, I was outside of my circle of trust, right? They they are no longer there.
00:24:36:17 - 00:24:46:11
Wilk
I can't even begin to have a conversation with them because what they are saying is outside of my personal certainty.
00:24:46:13 - 00:24:46:21
Kim Bach
Right.
00:24:47:03 - 00:25:03:00
Wilk
And now I'm either taking it as an attack because I think, well, I am certain that I'm right, and I am certain that what they're saying is wrong. Yeah, they are either attacking me personally, which is what happens a lot today, right?
00:25:03:02 - 00:25:03:12
Kim Bach
Yes.
00:25:03:13 - 00:25:06:06
Wilk
Or or
00:25:06:06 - 00:25:25:14
Wilk
Going back to what we we said before, this is, this is a, this is just one of these big circles, right. Is is, you know, now I have the inability to admit that I'm wrong. So. So now I don't even want to be part of that. And with this certainty comes,
00:25:25:14 - 00:25:29:21
Wilk
I start to one of the kind of sidetrack in here.
00:25:30:03 - 00:25:38:12
Wilk
One of the things that you also mentioned, curiosity and entering into, these, these conversations with people,
00:25:38:12 - 00:25:42:23
Wilk
with, with true curiosity, that's, that's, you know, right in the wheelhouse of,
00:25:42:23 - 00:25:57:04
Wilk
of what we talk about at Braver Angels and my friend Monica Guzman and I talks about curious conversations and how those who are underrepresented in our life will be overrepresented in our minds, in our imaginations.
00:25:57:06 - 00:26:22:08
Wilk
But but to take that to the next level, if if I push them out because I'm certain I'm right and I'm certain that they're wrong now, all of a sudden I'm making up stuff about them in my brain, which is often wrong, but I'm certain that I'm right about them. It gets worse. It's a perpetual thing. I mean, it's an exponential thing.
00:26:22:10 - 00:26:35:02
Wilk
And as we push those people away because of our own certainty, how we can know, like and trust them, it becomes further and further away from a possibility, no doubt.
00:26:35:02 - 00:27:01:05
Kim Bach
And we one of the reasons we talk about tools, I talk about tools at Daily Human is that it just helps reframe the problem. And so one of the tools for trust is realizing that trust is like it's like bands working on trust. And let's say you're the planet, right. The inner band has a different standard of trust, or they need to meet with you.
00:27:01:07 - 00:27:27:08
Kim Bach
Right. Those are the people in your home. Those are the people that when you're sleeping, like, you can wake up and they're standing over you, right. Like those. That's a high level of trust and that is personal. And usually over years, if not decades of relationship. And that makes sense. But as you go out in the rings, I think there's like an element here of maybe taking ourselves not quite so seriously.
00:27:27:08 - 00:27:52:02
Kim Bach
Like what tools are being protected at the outer rings that we can't tolerate some difference of opinion? I think it's recognizing, okay, you've got your tribe. How far removed are they from you, and does your neighbor have to feel the same way you do about every topic, or just the ones of basic what it is to be a good neighbor?
00:27:52:04 - 00:27:52:22
Kim Bach
So,
00:27:52:22 - 00:28:18:18
Kim Bach
I think there is like some realization here. Listen, all of it, all of it starts with turning the lens back to us. I mean, if there's any training program that's like, listen, show up and we're going to tell you how to deal differently with all these morons if you don't show up. And the very first thing they do is hold up a mirror and say, listen, you're the moron, we're going to change you because nothing else is going to work.
00:28:18:20 - 00:28:35:23
Kim Bach
Like that's really the message is do the work. And it would be nice to have some tools to help you do the work, because it is. We can choose these thoughts. We can choose better ones. They don't have to be the best thoughts ever. Maybe they just have to be better than the crappy ones you were thinking yesterday.
00:28:35:23 - 00:28:38:04
Kim Bach
Let's just improve.
00:28:38:06 - 00:28:43:17
Wilk
Let's just improve. Oh, that's that's so important. That's one of the one of the first questions and one of the speeches,
00:28:43:17 - 00:28:54:20
Wilk
that I, that I've got is, is okay, show of hands. Who here has never made a mistake right. Who here has never made a mistake show. And
00:28:54:20 - 00:28:58:21
Wilk
and no, I think that's that's so, so important.
00:28:58:23 - 00:29:03:21
Wilk
Certainty stands in the way of so much learning every single day. Yeah.
00:29:03:21 - 00:29:26:10
Wilk
Our ability to look at our neighbors or the people that we work with or family members and say, I can't be friends with you. If you think differently than me. You start with that certainty. It starts with our inability to admit and look at, look at that lens, or look at that mirror and say, I might be wrong.
00:29:26:12 - 00:29:31:11
Wilk
So let's let's wrap up with a few more of these tools then from the Daily Human.
00:29:31:11 - 00:29:32:22
Wilk
Kim, because,
00:29:32:22 - 00:29:49:11
Wilk
because we've already established a lot of this, a lot of this comes back to us as individuals. Our certainty on certain things, our malleability or people's misunderstand need of how malleable they are. Yeah, how they get stuck in these different loops.
00:29:49:13 - 00:29:58:11
Wilk
So let's take this back full circle then. What are some of these basic tools that we can use to teach ourselves,
00:29:58:11 - 00:30:10:07
Wilk
how how malleable we really are, how to think again, how to rebuild trust in those that we are so certain are wrong. How do we how do we do this?
00:30:10:09 - 00:30:14:22
Kim Bach
Well, let's let's just start with the first tool that we use.
00:30:14:22 - 00:30:20:04
Kim Bach
In our mindset labs, is asking a better question. And this is something everyone can start,
00:30:20:04 - 00:30:34:09
Kim Bach
you know, just with their families. Most of us are like, how was your day? Right? And then we're going to get the default answer, which for many of us is all the stressors and all the stuff that didn't go our way or the stuff we got to vent about.
00:30:34:09 - 00:30:57:00
Kim Bach
And that's right. That's the default. So we're trying to break the pattern of the default answer, which starts with the default question. So a better question would be, hey, what was the highlight of your day. And like what was the stressor? What was below would be an improvement if you really want a guardrail. If we're really working on I'm going to say would you learn today every day?
00:30:57:00 - 00:31:24:05
Kim Bach
What did you learn? When you sit here and you force your brain to say, I don't think I learned anything today, I'm gonna say, well, if you did learn something, what would it have been? And then everyone comes to, you know what? I'm not sure I learned it, but I relearned. I relearned that sometimes you should be quiet a little longer before interrupting, because there might still be something that the person's trying to get out.
00:31:24:07 - 00:31:46:12
Kim Bach
That's a valid lesson. We're. We don't have to learn. You know, life changing things every day. But are you aware of what you're learning? So change the question, get a better answer. And so that's kind of the first upgrade. And really our mindset labs are built all on questions. So I might ask you, Wilk, what's the smallest thing you can think of in the last week that you feel grateful for?
00:31:46:17 - 00:32:12:07
Kim Bach
Smallest moment right now, your brain searching, right? It's going through your week for the smallest moment that you felt grateful for, and you're passing some big ones. You're like, on coffee's awesome. It's like all the time. And then right, and then you're like, so what is coming up for you? What's the smallest thing you can think of in this last week that you're so grateful for?
00:32:12:09 - 00:32:13:15
Wilk
Oh, I got a lot of them. But,
00:32:13:15 - 00:32:15:21
Wilk
I would say a nice clean towel.
00:32:15:21 - 00:32:19:18
Wilk
I don't know, just the smell of a clean towel when you're getting out of the shower. I think it's a pretty nice thing.
00:32:19:20 - 00:32:31:19
Kim Bach
You think of a clean towel when you get out of the shower. So what you've done right now is you just carved one new little neural pathway. You didn't talk about how your day went. It's not about the smell of a fresh, clean towel.
00:32:31:19 - 00:32:35:03
Kim Bach
And that's how we start breaking these. These default,
00:32:35:03 - 00:32:37:08
Kim Bach
a second tool space.
00:32:37:10 - 00:32:49:01
Kim Bach
It's really important is, you know, running Brown talks a lot about what's the story you're telling yourself. Practice telling a better story. This is a really hard one, especially for those of us who were taught to be humble.
00:32:49:01 - 00:32:59:21
Kim Bach
Or maybe not talk about ourselves too much. This is one. The skin is a game you can kind of you can play by yourself if you need to at first, but think about the story you usually tell people.
00:32:59:23 - 00:33:25:04
Kim Bach
How do you start your podcast or why? Why are you doing the job that you do? Or what was your day like? Think about your default and then say, okay, a better story. If I was really the writer of the script to and I could actually make my heroine do kind of all sorts of cool stuff, which I can, what would she do this week?
00:33:25:06 - 00:33:51:17
Kim Bach
So we've had the same story when we, we had a real, inflection point in Daily Human. We were invited into the NFL combine last year, and we were invited with one of our partners, Success Beyond game day, and they wanted us to really work on the mindsets of the players in prep for their NFL interview. I mean, these are the best football players in the country.
00:33:51:19 - 00:34:17:07
Kim Bach
So one of our players and this is not uncommon, you know, a lot of the stories in this life were about hardship. You know, the he was living in his car with his mom for most of his high school. And at the time of the combine, that was his story when he first told that story, it you feel kind of bad, like there's a lot of uncomfortable feeling, there's a lot of struggle.
00:34:17:07 - 00:34:18:20
Kim Bach
There's a lot of,
00:34:18:20 - 00:34:48:11
Kim Bach
I think sad emotions with a little bit of coaching and modeling, he retold, it's the same story. He lived in the car with his mom her all of high school. A little bit of coaching. To tell that story differently becomes one of the greatest stories of resilience of anyone in the combine. So when you tell the same story, but from I'm the hero and not the victim, it's the same facts, the impact on your audience is different.
00:34:48:13 - 00:34:59:19
Kim Bach
Importantly, the impact on you is different. They'll practice telling your same old sad story with you as the hero. Like, have fun, give it to chat.
00:34:59:19 - 00:35:14:07
Kim Bach
It'll do it for you. ChatGPT will tell you exactly how to make your sad story into the hero's journey. It's all there for you right now. Listen, if your problem is like overdeveloped ego, I got a different lab for you.
00:35:14:08 - 00:35:21:04
Kim Bach
Maybe we need a little bit there, but most people we find don't give themselves enough credit
00:35:21:04 - 00:35:26:15
Kim Bach
for the resilience and the grit that actually they've been displaying for a long, long time.
00:35:26:17 - 00:35:30:18
Wilk
That's absolutely right. Now, these are these are great tools, Kim. And,
00:35:30:18 - 00:35:31:03
Wilk
yeah,
00:35:31:03 - 00:35:37:05
Wilk
ask better questions. Practice telling better your your story better.
00:35:37:05 - 00:35:54:15
Wilk
It so so these are these are all incredible things. And a lot of what we've talked about today, Kim comes right back to us as individuals and how we how we work through things, how we work through our own story, how we work through things that are outside of our control.
00:35:54:17 - 00:36:18:21
Wilk
All of these things are very, very important. On how not only, not only did the story that we've lived already happened, but how does the story continue on? How do we make this world a better place? How do we work through all the the things that are happening to us on any given day, learning something from them and
00:36:18:21 - 00:36:30:14
Wilk
making our story tomorrow better. So, Kim, Kim Bach, I greatly appreciate your time today. Tell the DTH listeners where they can find out more about you. And,
00:36:30:14 - 00:36:32:18
Wilk
find out more about the Daily Human.
00:36:32:20 - 00:36:39:12
Kim Bach
Yeah. So daily human.com. You can find this on our website. And I'm on LinkedIn a lot. So Kimberly Bach,
00:36:39:12 - 00:36:49:16
Kim Bach
just check me out. I'd love to connect if you're interested in really learning more about how we do the work with our own mindsets first. And that's that's really what it's all about is,
00:36:49:16 - 00:36:56:20
Kim Bach
when I think about hate, the hate I'm most concerned about first and foremost is the hate in my own heart.
00:36:56:22 - 00:36:57:21
Kim Bach
And,
00:36:57:21 - 00:37:15:15
Kim Bach
that's one I spend the most time worrying about because it's the one that reminds me. It's. It's a line drawn down every single one of us. And the more I spend looking out there and what I can, what I wish they would all do differently, that just distract me from the work, which is really like the work I can do and is in here.
00:37:15:17 - 00:37:19:10
Kim Bach
And I can upgrade those thoughts that frankly don't serve me or the world.
00:37:19:10 - 00:37:26:10
Kim Bach
So I'm ready to talk about that anytime, anywhere. Wilk, and I appreciate the work you're doing to Derate the Hate. I think it's,
00:37:26:10 - 00:37:28:06
Kim Bach
it's more important,
00:37:28:06 - 00:37:34:09
Kim Bach
I think, than ever that we figure out how to operate at a higher level.
00:37:34:11 - 00:37:43:00
Wilk
Thank you so much, Kim. I greatly appreciate your time today. DailyHuman.com. We will make sure that is in the show notes and,
00:37:43:00 - 00:37:46:04
Wilk
yeah, we're going to get some good clips of this conversation and,
00:37:46:04 - 00:37:46:23
Wilk
help people,
00:37:46:23 - 00:37:48:18
Wilk
look in that mirror and,
00:37:48:18 - 00:37:52:13
Wilk
and be right to be better for us. Be better for everybody else.
00:37:52:15 - 00:37:53:22
Wilk
Thank you so much, Kim. Bach.
00:37:54:00 - 00:37:56:10
Kim Bach
Appreciate it. Thanks Wilk.
00:37:56:10 - 00:38:16:04
Wilk
Friends. If there's anything in this episode that provided exceptional value to you, please make sure to hit that share button. Share it with your friends, share it far and wide. And of course, if you haven't done so already, be sure to subscribe right from our website so you can get the Derate The Hate podcast sent to your email inbox every week.
00:38:16:05 - 00:38:32:05
Wilk
So this is Wilk wrapping up for the week saying get out there. Be kind to one another. Be grateful for everything that you've got. And remember, it's up to you to make each and every day the day that you want it to be. If there is something that you would like to share with me, you can catch me on most social media platforms.
00:38:32:10 - 00:38:57:23
Wilk
Or you can email me directly. Wilk@wilksworld.com. With that, my friends, I am going to back on out of here and we will catch you next week. Take care.
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